A fictional administrative comedy inspired by the perennial difference between closing a file and resolving a problem.
What happens when an institution corrects an error but declines to examine how it happened? In this original, affectionate piece of administrative satire, Sir Humphrey has accepted an unusually uncomfortable posting in Scotland.
Scene One: The Unfortunate Discovery of an Error
A senior office in Edinburgh. Sir Humphrey is examining a letter. Bernard enters.
Bernard: Sir Humphrey, we have a problem.
Sir Humphrey: Bernard, we do not have problems. We have matters requiring appropriate administrative consideration.
Bernard: Well, Mr Peers has found another error in our published guidance.
Sir Humphrey: Has he? Most inconsiderate. Was the guidance incorrect?
Bernard: Yes, Sir Humphrey.
Sir Humphrey: Then correct it.
Bernard: We have.
Sir Humphrey: Splendid. Problem solved.
Bernard: Unfortunately, he’s asking how the error occurred.
Sir Humphrey: Why?
Bernard: So it doesn’t happen again.
Sir Humphrey: Good heavens! That would require us to investigate our procedures.
Bernard: Isn’t that what accountability means?
Sir Humphrey: Certainly not, Bernard. Accountability means being able to demonstrate that the appropriate procedures were followed.
Bernard: Even if the procedures produced the wrong answer?
Sir Humphrey: Especially then. Otherwise, what would be the point of having procedures?
Bernard: And what should we tell Mr Peers?
Sir Humphrey: That the matter is closed.
Bernard: But he was found Not Guilty.
Sir Humphrey: Precisely. The court has closed the matter. We have closed the correspondence. Everything is closed.
Bernard: Except the questions.
Sir Humphrey: Bernard, you really must stop noticing things.
There is a knock at the door.
Bernard: Sir Humphrey, BBC Panorama is on the telephone.
Sir Humphrey: Oh, good Lord.
Bernard: And BBC Scotland Disclosure is on the other line.
Sir Humphrey: Bernard… is that rock in Martinique still available?
Scene Two: The Caribbean Transfer
HMS Diamond Rock. An Admiralty posting of exceptional geographical stability.
Bernard: Sir Humphrey, there’s been another letter.
Sir Humphrey: But Bernard, we’re on a rock in the Caribbean!
Bernard: Yes, Sir Humphrey. Apparently, Mr Peers has discovered email.
Sir Humphrey: Then, Bernard, I fear our position is no longer defensible.
Bernard: Militarily or administratively, Sir Humphrey?
Sir Humphrey: Both, Bernard. Both.
Curtain.
The engineering lesson
The paperwork may be complete. The failure may still be present.
Correcting an error is not necessarily the same as investigating why it occurred, checking whether the same weakness appears elsewhere, or verifying that it cannot recur. That is the difference between administrative closure and closed-loop corrective action.
Read more in The Sir Humphrey Moment and Rewiring in Practice.
Satire notice: This is an original fictional sketch using familiar characters as an affectionate tribute to the tradition of Yes Minister. It is not a transcript or representation of any real conversations involving COPFS, the BBC or other organisations, and is not affiliated with the programme’s creators or rights holders.
